2021 horror. When will I ever learn? Step 1: Populate your movie with unlikeable, no, despicable characters. Check. Step 2: Make it a home invasion thriller, with a tinge... No, never mind that, have it beat you over the head with familiarity. Oh, today's audiences love familiarity. Like, where have I seen this? I don't know, maybe in about 1000 other home invasion thrillers made in the last 10-15 years. Step 3: Hey, slow burns are in. Make it agonizingly slow, with as little going on content-wise, that you can spend minimal effort on a script (an amazing accomplishment: They stretch this thing out to a full 91 minutes!). Step 4: Cash paycheck (where applicable).
Oh man. Where are all these twists and turns coming from, that the high-scoring reviews are referring to? This is an incredibly linear story. Anything that might qualify as a twist, you can see coming from miles away. Gee, I wonder at what point he's going to pull that wired jaw apart? What could his estranged daughter -- who hates him -- possibly be up to? Enter total psycho. Literally, the only thing that surprised me in this movie was something so idiotic, it blindsided me with exactly how ineptly the character was written. Dumbest ending you'll see all year.
The story. Awful alcoholic dad, who happens to be an incredibly unoriginal and uncreative writer, and is filthy rich from said writings, lives alone in total seclusion (DB parallel). He recently wrecked his "Jag" and had to have his jaw wired shut (a disability! DB parallel). His equally awful, bitter, angry, entitled daughter shows up unannounced... to rob his loaded safe (DB parallel)! And her totally OTT psycho boyfriend is gonna help out with a little home-invading of his own. What could go wrong? Yes, that's the entire story.
The "wired shut" angle serves absolutely no purpose to this narrative, other than as an annoyance. He writes notes to his daughter on this little notepad, which are usually subtitled, but when they're not, Good Luck! Yeah, he pulls the wires apart at the end, for what is the stupidest finale I've seen in recent memory. I won't even qualify it as a viable plot point!
There is a very long stretch in the movie where only the boyfriend can talk. Have a gun handy, either for yourself or for your TV. It is this absolutely horrible, borderline-retarded monologue, where all you want is for the guy to shut up for a minute. I get it -- he's supposed to be crazy. This is played (by one Behtash Fazlali) so obnoxiously, it constantly veers into cartoon territory. Attention: Dedicated fans of Jack Nicholson!
Bad dad tries to make it up to rotten daughter by dedicating his latest hack fest to her, but not before she tells him off again! It is implied his new book tells the story of what a changed man he's become, judging by the fact that he's used one of his hackneyed title ideas, "Metamorphosis."
Honestly, these are the times I wish imdb had a zero rating.
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